Thursday, May 07, 2009

this blessed life

as much as i seem to complain (or do i actually complain, not 'seem to'?), i have to admit i have an incredibly gifted, blessed life.

it's been a hard last few years for my little family. we've had a lot of tough times and situations to deal with.

there were times, and not just recently, that i felt i might just fold under the pressure. not just the actual pressure but the self-imposed pressure that i have always administered with reckless abandon. what does fold mean? crawl up into a ball and cry? yeah, i suppose it does. and mom and dad aren't there anymore, so going crying to them is not an option. and the bills and dishes and laundry and kids toys still pile up whether i'm crying in the fetal position or standing upright like a man.

i've had friends give me a good talking to and i trust that they really know what they are talking about. they've opened my eyes to what i really do have and how blessed i really am. it's a shame that i have to be told by others how great i have it, but i use the excuse that it's human nature. well, it's my nature, at least.

this little endeavor that i'm undertaking is probably the biggest leap i've ever taken. every day i wonder how i'm going to get it all done, and every day i have more of my great friends and family hand me what i need on a silver platter. at the height of panic i usually get a call or an email from someone with great news.

i will never stop worrying. my mom worried her whole life and i'm way too much like her to think that i will ever kick that habit. but, through the blessings that are heaped upon me every day, the worry will not beat me.

again, i say thanks to those that, for whatever reason, keep me in their thoughts. and, maybe for the first time here, i have to thank God.

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