Wednesday, July 09, 2008

the ooze from beyond

oh, i made a big mistake a couple of weeks ago. i had to put my grass clippings in one of the trashcans because i neglected to get yard waste bags. that would have been fine, but i just left it there. and it was wet.

last night, the time had come to shovel it into a yard waste bag for the trash pickup today. when i opened the can, it stunk. but i could do it. i started grabbing clumps of it with my yard gloves, then i got to the wet stuff.

mother of god.

the stench that came forth from the can only be described as death. rotting, stinking, decaying death. i ditched the gloves and got a small shovel. it got wetter and the stench grew stronger. deanna evacuated the kids from the area as death filled the air around us. i wretched. the nasty grass kept coming. being wet when i filled the can, it eventually compressed into a highly dense mass of ooze from beyond. black, thick, grassy ooze.

as i got closer to the end, i realized that i would probably smell like death, too. my clothes, spattered with little droplets of the ooze from beyond, would have to be burned. no, washed and then burned. and buried. i spooned the rest of the ooze from beyond into the bags.

i fought my compulsion to vomit and drug the bags out to the curb. the stench still followed me. i grabbed the can and took it to the side of the house and poured several ounces of dawn dishwashing liquid into the can as i sprayed water into it. the ooze from beyond and the stench both welled up with the massive bubbles. when the can was full, i stood, stinky, sweaty, and wet now that it was raining. i took the can out into the street where the sewer drain resides and poured what was left of the ooze/soap/water slurry into it.

i took a shower and i thought i got rid of the stench. i washed my hands numerous times and they still hinted of the ooze from beyond.

never, ever leave wet grass in a trashcan.


neumann said...

Primordial ooze?

Moist clippings?

TK said...

yes to both. very yes. yeeech.