Friday, February 10, 2006

happy pills


i hate testimonials. i really do. these days, they're virtually worthless, and none are more worthless than testimonials about supplements. even worse are the testimonials about athletic performance inhancing supplements. this one works, oh no it doesn't- it causes the rickets, yes it does...

"i tried hyena semen for two days. on the third day i swam the channel after not having swum for years, and had a tea with mr. bean afterward."

"hail, naw! don't use nona that hyeeeena seemin. i swallered a lil bit a that junk, nex day mu eyeballs fell out and rolled round on da flo. mu ol lady hadda pop em back in fo me."

so it doesn't matter what someone elses experience is with a supplement...it's still a mystery as to whether or not it will work for you, we're just all that different. me, i can't take vitamin supplements of any kind. i get nausiated almost immediately, and it lasts for a day or two. most protein booster stuff (weightgain 4000, beefcake!) has a variety of amino acids and, of course, vitamin supplements. can't use them without nausia. even flintstone chewables will do it. if little debbie nutty bars don't have enough vitamins, i'm just not going to get vitamins, i guess.

a few years ago i read a little about glucosamine/chondroitin, and how it MAY or MAY NOT be able to ease joint pain and help repair joint damage. blah, blah. i was pretty sure it was another perfectly false claim by a perfectly useless product designed to seperate me from my money. but, like any good lemming, i bought some.

by glory! my knee pain subsided. i finished the bottle and considered it a mild success, especially since it didn't nausiate me. of course, over the course of months and years, each time my knee would act up, i'd take it again for a month or so and, by glory! the pain would ease and i would once again be myself. since december, my hip has been bothering me. when i say bothering, i don't mean it hurts, because something ALWAYS hurts and that, for me, is just life. i mean BOTHERING me. yeeeeeeeoooooowwwwwch. some motions were impossible. my streches didn't really help, ones that have always helped over the last 10 years or so. i started having nightmares about hip replacement and old folks homes and velcro shoes and titanium innards.

the lightbulb went on, i went to walgreens and spent $20 and 48 hours later the pain was gone, and it was like it never happened. i finished the bottle, just to be safe.

in my head? maybe. my hip sure feels good, though.

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