Sunday, May 14, 2006
what excuse when there is no excuse?
i wish i had a way to make an excuse for my performance at the state championships yesterday. my tire pressure was wrong (thanks foo!). my energy drink was spiked. my shorts were too tight. i'm a pisces and the race was definately not fortold in the stars....
it doesn't work for me. i hate excuses. any excuse i come up with is, well, just an excuse. i'm better than what my results show. at least i believe that i am. i have been working harder this year than in recent years to get fit, and my races so far this year have shown that i'm on the right track. even my road season has been looking pretty bright.
i don't downhill as well as i used to. too scared, too many trips to the emergency room, too many people depending on me. i have a lot of responsibilities, i eat like crap, the baby keeps me up at night, i have mom's estate to worry about, i have lots of pressure to keep my household going.
so what? i know my limitations, i'm faced with them every day. and, knowing those limitations, i still went into saturday's race believing i was better than i actually am. i know the lay of the land, i know the battlefield, i know the history, i know the score. i still was prepared to be better.
bad day? no. i didn't feel like i was going slow. course not to my liking? everybody had the same course. did i have fun? yeah, i guess i did. if i did that race in a vacuum, without regard to my placing, i would have to say it was a good race. only when i look at the results do i scratch my head and wonder what the hell i am doing in 9th place.
if i hated excuses before saturday, i hate them more now. i don't want a do-over. i want more. i want to go forward and improve upon my weaknesses and shore up my strengths....because anything worth doing is worth doing to my own expectations, however misguided they may be.